_A Brabus for each team member.

A striking fact today among young people is that they are increasingly hesitant to get a driving licence. Because this is simply no longer compatible with their daily need for screen time. Being able to move around individually is nowadays secondary to Tik Tok videos of their friends having a dance. 

Being smart. And then, of course, public transport is the ultimate mode of transport par excellence, because not only can they then type at full capacity, they can also count on the many public transport delays, and so they see their screen time increase significantly. The Dutch, for example, spend an average of 5.5 hours a day behind a screen, and of that, 2 hours and 21 minutes of attention goes to the smartphone. The following question is an obvious one: how “smart” do you get from spending all that time behind that screen. 

Disney and shampoo. So we are stuck with a generation that puts their fate in the hands of public transport, scooters and electric bikes. And that combined with the fiercely discussed climate change. Throw in no alcohol and no meat, some warnings before watching Disney films like Peter Pan and Dumbo, and you get an idea of how some interpret woke. It is therefore our job to make sure people are not getting offended, and so we propose banning shampoo so that, in time, bald heads will no longer feel discriminated. 

Sopranos way. But we have to draw the line somewhere, and for us that line is the ban on clouds. Because we are convinced that everyone is entitled to their own shadow. At the same time, we are also convinced that there is nothing wrong with hard work, with strong entrepreneurship, and that this may then be accompanied by corresponding rewards. For some, this may be a long-distance trip, others prefer to stay home and organise a cosy evening on Pornhub, and others prefer to put their hard-earned pennies into something on four wheels. And for those who have worked really hard and collected a lot of Italian rubbish, the following projects may be an option. 

Warning. First though, please note that those who prefer to switch directly to the facts are best to skip the intro and first three paragraphs. However, if this warning comes too late, we are glad we could contribute to your daily screen time. Let’s start with the toughest one, this Brabus P 900 Rocket Edition. First of all, we remain grateful to Mercedes for continuing to build the G-Class and thus remain a thorn in the eye of the green movements. And when Mercedes pokes that thorn in the eye, Brabus comes along to give it another firm whack with a big hammer. A matter of making sure the green movement doesn’t lose their thorn…

Spring Break. Brabus felt that the G-Class could use a cargo box, and that you don’t necessarily need six wheels for that. Whoever buys a pick-up obviously often uses a cargo box, but here we dare say it will only serve to take a bunch of teenagers to Spring Break. But not to worry, after a short launch at the next traffic lights, they will be lying flat on the tarmac, thanks to the 4-litre V8 that has a whopping 900 hp on board. The top speed of 280 km/h is purely for places where this is allowed, what could be almost anywhere if you can afford to pay 650,000 euros for a pick-up truck! Only 10 people on this planet will be able to order one, so this will be a sober Christmas for one member of the football team. 

One for all. But not to worry, because Brabus has a solution for this issue. And not only for the player who didn’t get a G-Class, but also for the entire team of spare players. Because they can get their hands on a Brabus 600 Masterpiece, and this for the bargain price of 340,000 euros. As base, Brabus uses a Mercedes-Maybach S580. The engine gets the so-called Brabus PowerXtra B40S-600 package that includes a new chip, two new turbochargers and a duo of ECU modules. The original ECU is retained, so you can remove the package quite easily. 

Quite efficient. So the Brabus 600 Masterpiece now has an extra 95 hp, bringing the total to 600. The combined torque is 800 Nm and is already available between 2500 and 4500 rpm. So driving from a home game to an out match can go fairly smooth, considering the sprint from 0 to 100 km/h takes only 4.5 seconds. Top speed remains capped at 250 km/h to keep consumption within limits. Of course… From the outside, the limousine received a lot of carbon fiber parts and also a set of 22-inch wheels that make any sewer cover look ugly. 

On time. We already have transportation for the whole team, urgent time to arrange something for the players’ wives. However, our schedule is already pretty full, we only have Friday evening between 11pm and midnight this week, and then it’s already next Wednesday, then we have half an hour during lunch on Wednesday. Of course, we do expect them to drive towards us, and they can do that in this Smart #1 Brabus. Because don’t be fooled by the packaging, this is indeed a devil in a nicely wrapped box. You see, this all-wheel-drive Smart #1 Brabus has an output of 428 hp thanks to electric motors. That power is good for a 0-100 km/h sprint in 3.9 seconds. The Smart #1 Brabus should cost just under 50,000 euros, but you also get a lot in return. Because the player’s wives certainly won’t be late for their appointments…